How to draw a stupid protractor

This stupid graphic for a client just took me 3 hours. Arg. I thought I would blog it so everyone could feel my pain. Go ahead, click on it and rub your face against the screen to experience the glory.



Hey I just saw our freelancer had already drawn this image.

How to make the best myspace post ever

Below is a copy/paste of a bulletin wally posted on myspace this week.

Post: Everyone else announces new pictures
I posted about 7 refridgerator pieces on my myspace pictures. If you like them, then comment, if you don't, then eat my ass. Either way, I don't care. Unless this is Mom, in which case: Happy mothers day!

How to expose society's dark underbelly

Okay so a every once in a while you'll be walking around the city, and you'll see a used condom on the ground, or the tip of a joint, or some other piece of evidence that the city's sinful underbelly is peaking out at us. Well look what I found on the ground the other day: fish shapped AQUA DOTS. Right in front of Old Country Buffet. What is our society coming to?

How to get kids to listen to you

Just buy them aqua beads! Aqua Beads are small, fun little beads that can easily be placed under the tongue for safe-keeping when not in play. Create animals, flowers, and just about anything your kids can come up with. But act fast, due to an annoying rumor that aqua beads contain gamma hydroxybutyrate (i.e. the date rape drug), they have been pulled from shelves. No matter, we here at The Cyclops have fixed the packaging to display a fair warning about what may happen if swallowed.



"Awwwwww now I'll never get aqua beads!" -Wally J.

And... coming soon from Brad...
WEEDIES: The cereal that gives you the munchies, then cures them!

Yu Gi Blow: A scratch and sniff card game that will keep you up all night!

How a picture is worth any number of words

This is Wally's illustration for my song I just wrote:

Ohhhhhh I can't find these images and I want to go home
do da do da
NCCER said to use the image library but there are 6,000 images in there and I can't find one of a poorly grounded system
do da do da

How to incriminate poor poor WallyJ

Officer: So have you ever been stopped for a DUI before? So this is your first time?
Wally: Yeah thi...waait, you almost got me there. No I've never been stopped for a DUI before
Officer: (laughs) Alright, so you've been doing this a lot but this is your first time getting caught.
Wally: Stop that!

How to put Cuba to good use

Wally: hey why in the world does the US have a prison in cuba?
Wally: like
Wally: that doesn't make any sort of sense
Heremeow: hmmmm
Heremeow: well
Heremeow: it's like some things you have to store in your shed, ya know?

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

Heremeow: Shed is to House as Cuba is to USA
Wally: OH WOW guess what
Wally: I just got it
Wally: lmao
Wally: oh man

How to not take out the White Trash

So there was a girl at Dan's Halloween party who was fittingly dressed as "white trash." All night she kept wailing "Superman in DA HOUUUUUUUUSE" (this was for like 7 hours). Then the damn superman song was played like 45 times along with an ass grinding dance party that I am trying my best to black out. Here are Brad's thoughts on White Trash Girl:

"Can you get Emily to give me the white trash girls number. I just want to learn the Superman dance.

-Brad

PS. please don't actually get me her number. "

_______
Ok correction: White Trash was actually saying "Superman, Dat Ho!" which Wally just explained to me the meaning of which was explained to him by the White Trash girl. I won't repeat here because this blog is popular in the local elementary school.